Don't buy stuff you cannot affort!

Less is More for Those Who Choose Simple Lives

It’s easy to make choices that are choreographed to the beat of our materialistic culture declaring “more, more, more!” But some people who have chosen to simplify their lives march to a distinctly different beat, declaring with quiet confidence that “less is more.”

Those who choose simple lives have discovered that while purposefully living below their financial means may make them seem poor on the outside, it enriches them on the inside. As they free up their resources to focus on what matters most, some said, they grow closer to God than they could otherwise.

“When we’re buying into the fast-paced consumerism that says we’ve got to do more and acquire more, there’s a point we reach at which our lives no longer have much meaning or integrity anymore,” said Beth Braxton, who tries to make simple choices both at home and on the job at a church in Burke, Virginia. “Life is, at its roots, basic and simple. True happiness comes from things like sharing the joy of conversation with a friend or watching a cardinal out on a birdfeeder.”

Living simply frees people to align their lives with their values and pursue what matters most to them, said Jack Davis, who chose to forgo lucrative job opportunities after retiring from the Central Intelligence Agency so he could devote his time to more meaningful volunteer work. “My sense of worth and self-esteem is increasingly based on my values and not material things and possessions. I no longer feel any need to ‘keep up with the Joneses,’” he said.

No matter how entrenched a person is in a complex, consumptive lifestyle, it’s always possible to change to a simple one that’s focused on core values, said Daisy Birch, who was able to follow her dream of starting a home-based business after cutting distractions from her schedule. “It’s very possible to shift from a hectic, distracted life to a more rewarding one,” she said. “It’s possible at any time in your life. One question to ask yourself is, ‘What do you really want?’ and another is, ‘Isn’t it right under your nose?’. Sometimes that’s the scariest place to look, but once you look there, it’s not scary anymore.”

Davis said that choosing not to constantly buy more and better products means less stress to distract him from pursuing his values, because he doesn’t have the financial pressure of having to earn large amounts of money or the anxiety of dealing with debt. “The most profound change that comes to those who successfully adjust to a simpler life is a sense of freedom,” said Davis, who refrains from buying items he doesn’t truly need and tries to repair or reuse items he already owns rather than replacing them.

The freedom that comes from living simply has given Braxton more time to spend with God. She carves out time from her schedule that she could have spent shopping and uses it for extra prayer and reflection instead.

By making simple choices (such as by recycling to help care for the environment), Braxton says she’s able to better answer God’s call to stewardship than she could otherwise. “We have a cultural mentality that we have to own, to possess. But life is a gift. We don’t own it,” she says. “The earth is the Lord’s, and we’re caretakers. We’ve been entrusted with this earth for stewardship, not ownership.”

A simple lifestyle has given Mary Ayres (name has been changed at her request) something more valuable than she could buy at a store – contentment. She and her husband Sam have stayed in the same small house they bought before their four children were born. Mary said she wanted to move to a larger house, but, “now (after 18 years of raising kids) I'm kind of glad we didn't. There are some good things about a smaller home . . . things have to constantly go out the door (sometimes in big black bags and under cover of darkness!). Everyone agrees that having too much stuff is suffocating, even if you have a place to put it. So it can actually help if you do not have a place to put it. Also, not having any room for houseguests can sometimes be a disappointment, but can also free you up greatly – let’s be honest.”

Mary and her family discovered they got along fine after getting rid of gadgets many people take for granted –like a microwave and a television . “Sometimes I just cut out various items or categories of things that other people think are essential. I haven't had a microwave in years and I don't miss it a bit. It took up too much space and mostly what we made in it was popcorn. You really can make popcorn in a skillet, and you really can re-heat food on the stove very quickly. … We got rid of TV about 15 years ago, but our kids watch plenty of movies on our DVD player or on the computer.”

They also defray the high cost of gasoline by eliminating unnecessary car trips and riding their bikes instead. “With traffic, parking, etc., you can often do your errands faster on bike,” said Mary. “Of course, you can't bring back groceries for a family of six on your bike. But there are quite a few errands you can do with a backpack on your back and a rack on your bike. My husband rides his bike to work (6.8 miles) and he uses Google maps to discover really workable, safe, and little-known bike routes to his office and other destinations within a 10-mile radius.”

Making a successful transition to a simpler lifestyle is possible for anyone who makes just one simple choice at a time, said Birch. “The changes don’t have to be drastic. You don’t have to suddenly start wearing burlap. Find little changes to make and start there. Underneath those will be more little changes, and then you’ll uncover your values.”

http://www.crosswalk.com/finances/11546115/page2/

Hope diamond of the Smithsonian

A real "Help Meet" brings stability, aren't they a cute couple! - LOL

Love and Pride Are Opposites

A big head and a big heart are never in the same person. Pride and love are in opposition one to another.

Do you know why there are quarrels in churches and squabbles between husbands and wives? Proverbs 13:10 says, "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom."

There has never been a war, squabble, fuss, or division that was not caused by pride. There are not problems too big to solve. There are just people too small to solve them. We could solve the problem if we’d attack the problem rather than one another.

Jonathan Edwards, who was a great preacher in the Great Awakening, said, “Nothing that puts a man so much out of the devil’s reach as genuine humility.” And it is love that enables us to be humble.

By Adrian Rogers

Love ... A Rare Commodity

Most of us have heard that love makes the world go around. I don't know if I believe that, but it sure does make the trip worthwhile.

If you’re going to have any sense of joy, victory, and service that counts, you’ve got to have love. And love is a rare commodity today because we live in such a wicked world. Jesus said, "And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved" (Matthew 24:12-13).

The word "iniquity" here literally means "lawlessness." Lawlessness abounds. Have you found yourself hesitating to stop by the side of the road and help somebody with a flat tire? Have you found that you’re careful about inviting somebody into your house if they knock on your door and say, "My car battery is dead, do you have any jumper cables?" Or, "Could you give me directions to a certain place?" Don’t you wish that you didn't have to do that because there’s so much iniquity in the world?

By Adrian Rogers

source: http://www.lwf.org

Pastors, Don't Use Mother's Day to Bash Dads

A learning season is upon us, and it's worth our time to heed its teaching.

This lesson is the difference between how we handle Mother's Day compared with Father's Day in church. If it's like in years past, it won't be pretty.

This Sunday we will extol the value and benefit of motherhood, which is great. But in some churches, this will be done by degrading Christian husbands, which is not great. "Our pastor makes us husbands get on our knees on Mother's Day and beg for forgiveness. I don't want to do it again this year," one reader tells me. Another writes, "Our minister makes husbands write on paper all the things we've done wrong. Then we're suppose to give it to our wives and pledge that we won't do them anymore."

Most preachers will not be this heavy-handed. They will wait till Father's Day (Sunday, June 18) to tell men how to be better fathers. Of course there's nothing wrong with this message when taken as an isolated event. But when compared with Mother's Day, we'll discover that for some reason many ministers believe that fathers need correction on Father's Day (and Mother's Day) but women don't. Why this double-standard?

Because much of the church sees men as a problem to be fixed when compared to women, not a gender to be appreciated. There's prejudice and bigotry against a man's nature in too many churches, Christian publishing, and on Christian radio (I was a program director of a Christian radio station--I was part of the problem too), all of which have been beating men up for decades.

For example, if there is a problem with their marriage, Christian men have been told by these sources that it is automatically their fault. Dr. James Dobson is one of a few authors brave enough to confront this false message. He writes in Love Must Be Tough that men are saddled with the unrealistic expectation that "any sadness or depression that a woman might encounter is her husband's fault. At least he has the power to eradicate it if he cares enough. In other words, many American women come into marriage with unrealistically romantic expectations which are certain to be dashed. Not only does this orientation set up a bride for disappointment and agitation in the future, it also places enormous pressure on her husband to deliver the impossible...Marital conflict always involves an interaction between two imperfect human beings who share the responsibility to one degree or another." Sadly, Dobson's common sense is drowned out by other and more shrill voices.

I was told as an impressionable and young Christian man in church that I was "irresponsible, thoughtless, and selfish," when compared to women, who are innately more moral and spiritual. I don't know everything about the Bible. But I do know two profound truths: It says a lot about morality and spirituality. Nowhere does it state that women have a corner on both when compared to men. Instead, it tells us that both genders are uniquely and equally made in the image of God. It tells us that both are equally sinful and in need of redemption. There is no privileged gender in God's eyes.

Still, this rose-scented inequality will spread across our country this weekend, creating unintended consequences. Many will hear about the dark side of fatherhood in America, but few if any will hear about motherhood's dark side. How a child is more likely to be physically abused and killed by his mother, not his father. The statistics vary from 65% to more than 80%, which includes adjustments for single mothers. How wives over 40 and with children file for divorce more than husbands (around 66%), and their reason has little if anything to do with abuse or infidelity. How wives are more prone to begin a conversation more harshly than husbands. These aren't exactly family values. Listing these problematic facts of life will likely cause more shock than the facts themselves.

I could create an equally unflattering portrait of wayward fathering, which would include damning facts about fatherlessness and incarceration. But pointing out the ugly in each gender isn't the point of this article. The goal is to explode the myth of gender superiority, create a more biblically sound perspective, and implore today's ministers and lay people to treat each gender with respect and dignity during this important season by pointing out their unique value, which will foster genuine domestic harmony, among other blessings.

Here are some facts that can easily be worked into upcoming sermons about the importance and value of fatherhood. None is derogatory toward mothers but instead points out the complimentary nature of mothers and fathers.

1. Sociologist Brad Wilcox from the University of Virginia found that conservative evangelical fathers rank higher than other men in the United States in most every category. "Conservative evangelical fathers spend more time with their children, hug and praise them more, are less likely to yell at them, and commit the lowest levels of domestic violence than any other group in America," he writes in Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands.

2. These fathers are "also the most active, emotionally engaged husbands and fathers in America" whose wives report the highest levels of "happiness, love and affection." These superior fathers and husbands are also more likely to "discipline their children, monitor their viewing habits, and know where they are at any given time." This is why Wilcox refers to them as "soft patriarchs." They "balance their traditional, authority-minded approach to parenting with a large measure of involvement and affection."

3. Fathers excel when it comes to discipline, play, and challenging their children to embrace life's challenges. They are more likely to partake in physical play with children, which is more important than many realize. Play "promotes social skills, intellectual development, and a sense of self-control." The playful side to fathers teaches their children how to regulate their feelings and behavior as they interact with others. Children who roughhouse with fathers usually learn quickly that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable.

4. Fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage their children to take up difficult tasks, to seek out fresh experiences, and to endure pain and hardship without yielding. Explains Wilcox, "The bottom line is that fathers excel in teaching their children the virtues of fortitude, temperance, and prudence for life outside their family."

5. Writes sociologist David Popenoe: "While mothers provide an important flexibility and sympathy in their discipline, fathers provide ultimate predictability and consistency. Both dimensions are critical for an efficient, balanced, and humane child-rearing regime."

6. The publication Child Development found that children of parents who engaged in sex-typical behavior, where the mother was more responsive/nurturing and the father was more challenging/firm, were more competent overall than children whose parents did not engage in sex-typical behavior.

7. The amount of time fathers devote to child rearing increased 170 percent between 1965 and 1998.

8. The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate from high school, attend college, avoid crime or drugs, and get pregnant before 18 is the presence of a father in the child's life.

9. According to a recent report by the Department of Health and Human Services, "Fathers play a unique role in fostering the well-being of their children, not only through providership, protection and guidance, but also through the way that they nurture the next generation." But there is a huge catch. "A father's involvement with his children...is powerfully contingent on the mother's attitude" toward him. Research consistently shows that the father-child relationship depends more on the quality of the parents' relationship than does the mother-child relationship. See the problem? If men continue to be denigrated from the pulpit during Mother's Day or Father's Day, wives will be encouraged to have a low view of them. This low view may well drive a wedge between a father and his children, darkening their future.

10. This same report from the Department of Health and Human Services states: "Girls with active dads demonstrate higher levels of mathematical competence, and boys with more nurturing fathers display higher levels of verbal acumen. It is worth noting, of course, that girls tend to struggle more with math and boys tend to struggle more with language. Having an active, emotionally invested father appears to help children overcome the intellectual weaknesses typically associated with their sex."

11. Fathers are more likely to foster independent, exploratory behavior on the part of their children, compared to mothers.

12. Children raised by engaged fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them.

13. A playful, challenging, and nurturing approach to fatherhood is associated with more self-control and pro-social behavior among children throughout the course of their lives.

14. One study of seventh graders found that boys who had close relationships with their fathers were more likely to control their feelings and impulses, to obey rules at school and home, and to make good moral judgment.

15. This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had more self-esteem.

16. Boys and girls who are exposed to the nurture of a father, and who see a father being nurturing to their mother and other adults, are much less likely to associate masculinity with predatory sexual behavior and hyper-aggressiveness.

17. Fathers help their children, especially their daughters, develop the self-control and the sense of self-worth that protects them from premature sexual intercourse and teenage pregnancy.

If you have additional information about the importance of fatherhood, let us know so that we can create an even better resource list for ministers and others who want to change Mother's Day vs. Father's Day to Mother's Day And Father's Day. If your minister treats both mothers and fathers with the respect and dignity they deserve, we want to know so we can give them the kudos they deserve. Email us at paul@christianniceguy.com. We'll put it on our website, Christianniceguy.com

Paul Coughlin is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy, and the upcoming, No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps: Raising Secure, Assertive Kids in a Tough World (June 2007). He is the co-author along with his wife Sandy of Married But Not Engaged. He's also a founding member of GodMen (www.godmen.com). To have Paul speak at your men's event, contact him at www.christianniceguy.com.